holm, party of two...

i am running to your arms

2010-08-02T22:49:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I spent the day with The Village Church. I lead with Jeff Capps and some other great musicians in Flower Mound and then went to the 7 pm in Denton. (I have to say that I am continually and overwhelmingly captivated through the Lord's love for me through these people. I truly have found my family here.) I love leading others in worship. My heart is stirred for the Lord in the most intense way when I am playing and singing.

As a musician, I find that truly engaging in worship a little difficult when I'm in the congregation. I really struggle with this ear that I have gotten from my father. I pick things apart, I analyze, my brain starts working and my attention is too focused... and on the wrong thing. Although it's gotten a little easier, I still have to shut my brain down, close my eyes, and not pay too much attention to what's going on around me. Even still, I'm quickly distracted by the sounds whirling around me.

Last night was one of those nights. The first couple of songs, I was watching posture, chord progressions on the neck of Julian's guitar, listening to John's guitar lines, instead of praising our marvelous God. Then they started playing "Forever Reign".

The first time I heard the Hillsong song, I was moved to say the least. My heart was beating hard, I leaned my head back, and my eyes filled with tears. Hillsong is amazing anyway with simplistic but deep lyrics and melodies that only add to and don't distract from those truths. Last night I was truly captivated by the song. I could feel the Spirit of the Lord in it. It was such a spectacular feeling I didn't want it to end. I was overwhelmed by Christ's love for me and so grateful that he used those writers to write what my heart so desperately wanted to say but couldn't find the words. It made me grateful that people say that same thing about my songs. I hope the Lord continues to use me for the same thing I was feeling last night.

Forever Reign
You are good, You are good
When there's nothing good in me
You are love, You are love
On display for all to see
You are light, You are light
When the darkness closes in
You are hope, You are hope
You have covered all my sin

You are peace, You are peace
When my fear is crippling
You are true, You are true
Even in my wandering
You are joy, You are joy
You're the reason that I sing
You are life, You are life,
In You death has lost it's sting

Oh, I’m running to Your arms,
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

You are more, You are more
Than my words will ever say
You are Lord, You are Lord
All creation will proclaim
You are here, You are here
In Your presence I'm made whole
You are God, You are God
Of all else I'm letting go

Oh, I’m running to Your arms
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

My heart will sing
no other Name
Jesus, Jesus

p.s. if you don't have this album, it's great. you should get it.

long time, no write... here at least

2010-07-28T12:41:00.000-05:00

it's been a REALLY long time since i've written. although the only people that keep up with my blog are my friends, here's a pretty comprehensive list of things that have happened since El Jefe and I went to Nashville.

- tracking for the EP finished in June. It all happened really quickly. We did scratch tracks for guitar, vocal, and some bass and Kenny booked studio time and did the rest of it in about 2 weeks. Kendall Goshorn was wonderful enough to take some time out of his busy schedule to spend with us doing final lead and BG vocal tracks. It was a crazy month, dear June, and praise the Lord that part is over.

- I got a new job at Salon LaPage in DENTON! it's around the corner from our place and it's a 9-5 job Mon- Fri. It's a pretty sweet deal and a huge answer to prayer. The Lord is faithful to provide in every circumstance. Meanwhile, Jeff worked his booty off to make sure all our bills were taken care of and I filled in at Davanti and enjoyed taking time to take care of our home, spend much needed time with friends, and write, of course. :)

- Jeff's officially a member of the Village Church. He really enjoyed the class; he said that it was the first time in a long time that he felt a part of a community of believers.

- My car died. We had been having problems with the great Santa Fe and decided we'd get the basic necessities fixed until it truly died and we'd toss it and get a new car. Well that time came a lot faster than we had originally thought. Jeff was leaving the Power's house and POP! something broke and the car would no longer go. Turns out the transmission just gave out and decided it was done. Our options were to get it fixed ($3800) along with all the other things wrong with it (AC, brakes, power steering hose, a random belt) and spend more money fixing the problems than the value of the car, or get a new car. So we found a sweet little Mazda 3 with 15K miles and all the warranties and bought it. We sold the Santa Fe to a salvage yard and they gave us money! a whopping $800 which we put back into our savings since our down payment almost wiped us out.

- We're going to Playa del Carmen with the Powers in a couple weeks. It's a double- birthday/anniversary trip. We're so psyched. It's going to be awesome. Possibly the only trip we'll take sans children since the Powers are nuts. :)

That's a good summary, I think. So as for the future, I'm hoping that this EP does us some good. Although I'm excited about my new job, I really still would rather be playing and writing.

The past few months, there has been a lot of purging. lost a job, lost a car, lost some friends, lost some money. In simplicity you find what's really important. When all the junk is gone, what remains is really all you need.

nashville

2010-06-08T22:24:00.000-05:00

my stuff, his stuff

beautiful scenery in arkansas

memphis

well, thank you tennessee!

they were talking about poop and diapers (at dinner) and kenny was gagging

we're in love

right after i took this, he took my phone away.

we found a spectacular bookstore after seeing an old tour buddy of his.

tiny room, thousands and thousands and thousands of books. this was the hallway.

dinner with the fam

i make this same face. she DOES love him.

uncle gene, aunt beth, and daddy... and moms camera

guess who took this one?

while waiting for graduation to start.

cousin, ashleigh

please continue to pray for her

the graduate...

it's official!

playing corn hole at the bear cave

celebratory dinner

"I LOVE COOKIE CAKE!"

drinking margaritas on the kitchen floor

black bear aka sexy bear aka kenneth, depending on who you are

gorgeous sunsets on the way home

i love orange juice

2010-05-12T12:41:00.000-05:00

I love orange juice. In fact, I'm drinking it right now. I also love grapefruit juice, cranberry juice, apple juice, pomegranate juice, and combinations of those juices. Also, only 100% juice. Juices from concentrate usually have a ton of sugar and are unbearably sweet.

I haven't posted in a while because my computer power cord shorted next to the plug. So I've only been able to use my computer at the Warren's because Natalee has the same computer as me. Not that we have a shortage of available computers in the Holm household. Sheesh... I'll admit it is a little ridiculous.

Also, I haven't really had anything to post about because we're about to go to Nashville and nothing I write now is going to be as good as that photo post. I'm so excited!!! It will be 10 hours of ridiculous road trip followed by 3 full days of fun followed by another 10 hours of ridiculous road trip. I need to make sure my camera battery is charged!

I can't believe that this month is halfway over already. This year has flown by. The older we get the faster time flies. That means that when I have kids, they'll be 18 and out of the house before I know it. Oh wait, no that's wishful thinking. :) just kidding.

I can't wait to go to Nashville! I can't wait to go to Nashville! Woopdeeedooop!

Next time I promise to post something not boring.

a week via iphone

2010-05-01T21:21:00.000-05:00

Since the Arts and Jazz Festival was too packed and all the good acts had already played, jeff and I went to Southlake last Saturday, instead. They too were having a music and arts festival. This guitar was made by a sculptor that used slate and river stones to make fountains and wall sconces, etc. This guitar was about 6 ft. tall and after guessing how much it weighed (stone is heavy!) we were informed that it was only 65 lb. Jeff guessed 300.

These are my four o'clocks... last week. Now they're about 4 inches tall. My morning glories at the time hadn't yet sprouted but now they're precious little sprouts! My great-grandmother Davis' house was surrounded by four o'clocks in the most vibrant and colors. She died several years ago but things like four o'clocks and honeysuckle keep her memory alive. They kind of embody who she was: beautiful, cheery, sweet.

Jeff came over last week when I was with Olivia. She likes boys... already. Sheesh... He likes babies, but gives them back when they poop or spit up. He's not ready for babies either. :)

Sweet, sweet Liv.

This is much better than the other face she made that morning while screaming at me.

Alyssa and I spent the day together yesterday. We went shopping, had lunch, got pedicures, and went to the garden department at Home Depot. It was so great to have girl time. She is so magical! I feel like when she walks she leaves a trail of fairy dust behind her. :)

We're going to Nashville in 12 days for Kenny's graduation. I am so excited I can hardly stand it. I love traveling and road trips. Except for doing the laundry AFTER the road trip, of course. This will be Jeff's and my first real married road trip. We drove to San Antonio but 5 hours hardly counts as a real road trip, I think. 10 hours is a real road trip. We're going to be so tired.

We'll be spending some time in the studio which means I need to schedule a shoot with Ryan Ray and find someone to build me a website. I don't know anything about building websites or anything. I tried to get ideas for a logo of sorts, and I just got overwhelmed.

I've written a few new songs the past couple days that I'm really excited about. I've also been setting up gigs which all of you will be required to come to. Nobody has heard me play my own music in a long time. So I will see you there. I'll let you know when they will be.

parenthood

2010-04-28T14:54:00.000-05:00

So I've been watching this little booger for about a month now. She's absolutely adorable and quite possibly the easiest baby around (although this morning 'easy' was not exactly a fitting word to describe her). It's been cool to see how different she looks from week to week, how much hair she's gotten, and how much more she'll eat (she went from 4 oz when I started to now taking 6 oz bottles at her afternoon feeding).

Although she is not my child, I can see how easy it is to make a child the 100% focus of your entire world. She has to be carried everywhere, entertained, fed, changed, bathed... every moment must be considered with her needs in mind. If I want to take a walk or need to go somewhere, I have to time it around her feedings and make sure she is properly burped or she'll projectile vomit all over my car or swallow it (she does this. i don't know why.).

This being said, if I were ready having children or had children I could so easily see myself getting wrapped up in routine and guidelines and schedule for the little one. I imagine the lengths that some women go through just to get pregnant and the time it takes some of them and wonder how I would respond if it were me.

How do you not make parenthood or children or the need to care for someone an idol?

We plan on having children. I love children. But I will tell you that I definitely do not want them now. All my friends are doing the whole mushy 'I want a baby!' thing and I really just don't get it. None of us have been married for more than 2 years and although everyone's different, I personally enjoy not having to get up for 3 am and 5 am feedings, changing diapers, and abstaining from about a billion things just to house and feed a little person. I love being able to run over to a friend's house for dinner and not worry about either finding a babysitter or being concerned that my child is going to puke all over my friend's belongings or break something.

I would suggest to anyone with 'baby fever' to borrow someone's infant for the day and then see how it goes.

.....

This is my second attempt at publishing this post and I had written this whole additional thing about food and it was deleted. So I quit.

"let our faith be not alone"

2010-04-16T00:05:00.000-05:00

"Let our faith be not alone, may our hearts be not of stone
Give us souls that never close, to the grace that you bestow
May our eyes be quick to see, you are here
you've come to rescue me"
- T. Johnson, R. Owens, R. Seay, T. Tjornhom

I've had a lot on my mind lately. Thinking a lot about a dear friend dealing with loss, weighing once seemingly weighty decisions (now so irrelevant), figuring out what it means for me to be happy... all-the-while forgetting that my worry, my attempts at planning or solving or organizing really is pointless.

God's grace allows me to be removed from all those things that flood my brain, leaving me restless and sleepless, and exhausted... even hopeless. Faith steps in to restore, revive, reassure. There's hope in my faith in Christ. So why is it so hard for me to live and daily- minute by minute- accept God's grace? He carries my burdens, our burdens... and all I have to do is have faith that he is always there to rescue me, every day, from the weight of my sin and the weight of my humanity, my mortality.

Isaiah 35 talks about how he takes what we have, who we are, how we are and he creates beauty from it. He promises to turn our mourning to singing, to be our strength in our weakness, to be hope for the hopeless. His promises never fail. He WILL restore. He will revive. And in His promises we should find assurance.

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.

Hebrews 11:1

I hope that the Lord is glorified in me. I hope that the recognition of my struggle, almost inability, to truly accept God's grace brings him glory. What a lowly, weak, unimportant vessel I am. Still he chose me. So I will fight the fight, press on toward the end of this race, remembering God's grace meeting me EVERYWHERE, and my faith in who he is.

My only happiness is in him. My only fulfillment is in him. My only hope is in him.

long time, no write

2010-04-10T00:02:00.001-05:00

Man, we have had a lot going on lately. I started a new job, Jeff went on a 4 day fishing trip, we've had date nights, dinner with friends, and making decisions and plans. Amidst all the business of 'normal' life, I've been a huge failure at remembering how blessed we are.

I was only jobless for 2 weeks. We didn't run out of money and didn't use hardly any of our savings. I have been writing a lot lately. I have spent some much needed time re-prioritizing and figuring out what I want and definitely what I DON'T want to do. I am married to a great man. He has a steady job. What a blessing to have a home and things and creative outlets and spouses. We are so grateful.

We have decided it's not time to move. Away, that is. Some doors were closed and others haven't yet opened. Other opportunities have presented themselves regarding my music and I am praying that God is opening a door for me to write/play/sing from here... at least for now. I found out that Daniel of Daniel Doss Band wants to do my song, Our God Will Come. It's sort of caused some frustration for me because I'm very territorial I guess. It's MY song. I wrote it. I meant it to be THIS way. Songwriting is my craft, my baby. I take it personally when someone wants to drastically change it. Daniel mentioned to my brother Kenny (he's their drummer) that he wanted to do the song but he had rewritten different verses for it. Initially it kind of made me panic because that's not exactly what I want to hear, but Kenny said he heard what Daniel had and wasn't a fan so I was ok after that. Anyway, so rewrote Our God Will Come... AGAIN. this is now version 4. I'm not doing it again! It is a good challenge though. Rewriting something over and over and still maintaining the original idea and purpose lyrically. There are only so many ways to say one thing. :)

Jeff & I are watching this show, Life. I think it's on Discovery but it's similar to the Earth series, but Life goes through different species of creature for each episode. Like the one we're watching is called Fish. It's freaking cool! Like the Japanese Mudfish. or the Sea Dragons. Super neat.

I had my first week with Olivia Warren last week. She is absolutely precious. I did learn that infant cries make me anxious. So hopefully next week she will be used to her bottle and will take it instead of being mad at me for trying to give it to her.

I need to start taking more photos. Jeff & I have been married almost a year and I've hardly taken any photos! I even bought a super cute scrapbook for our first year and haven't even started on it! My next post will be a photo post. Those are always fun. And I won't wait 2 weeks to do it either. :)

Isn't the weather AMAZING lately!? It kind of makes me want to sleep outside... even though I generally don't ever want to do that because of bugs and creepy things you can't see and only feel. blegh.... I'll take my bed thanks. I'll just crack the window.

Here's my list for this post- THINGS TO NEVER SKIMP ON JUST TO SAVE MONEY:

1. vanilla extract

2. olive oil

3. hair product

4. bed linens

(we spend a significant part of our days in bed and while this is a personal preference, nobody really wants to sleep in sheets that feel like tissue paper)

5. toilet paper

(this is an exaggeration of what cheap toilet paper is like, but makes my point)

and for a bonus:

6. computers!

I'm a die hard Apple fan and while they are more expensive,

you won't have to replace them every 2 years like you would a PC. Plus, Apple products are super streamline and so user-friendly.

GOOD NIGHT!!!!

things I want to do

2010-04-01T18:59:00.000-05:00

time for another list.

i want to...
- marry jeff... OH WAIT! I already did!! :)
- save more money
- experiment in the kitchen more
- travel more
- be more spontaneous
- be less of a control freak
- spend more time with our friends
- eat cake

jeff & i went home last saturday and while he spent the week on the lake, i cuddled with sophie and went to macy's. i got to get some insight from a very valuable resource and we had dinner with some old friends. it's always nice to go back to where you came from because, although i personally don't necessarily want to go back there permanently, it reminds you how much you love and appreciate it.

today is april 1 which means we are 3 months away from moving out. which means we have to decide what we're going to do. i don't really feel a strong pull toward one city more than the other, and i guess that's the frustrating part. i don't feel any direction. i want to move back to tyler less and move to nashville about the same. if we move, alyssa will just cry again... and i just can't bear that! (love you alyssa!) oh, the decisions adults have to make. blegh.

i am so grateful for the opportunities the Lord has provided for us. i know he will continue to provide and i am confident that he will guide and direct us to be where he wants us.

i love wine.

i love you.

In Christ Alone

2010-03-23T15:49:00.000-05:00

In Christ Alone, my hope is found

He is my light, my strength, my song

This cornerstone, this solid ground

Firm through the fiercest drought and storm

What heights of love, what depths of peace

When fears are stilled, when strivings cease

My comforter, my all in all

Here in the love of Christ I stand...

- In Christ Alone, S. Townend & K. Getty

It's been a tough month or so. However challenging though, God's promises still remain. Christ truly is a solid ground beneath which my wobbly legs and unsteady feet can rest on.

Romans 8:18-25

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

I'm sorry I typed all of that out. I know most of you are so familiar with that passage. We're called to suffer with Christ. How else could we experience such incredible grace? What happens to me here- not working, car breaking, illness, fear, whatever- is NOTHING compared to the promise of eternal life, the promise of a Father to his children.

Romans 8:26-31

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings to deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified. What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?

sigh.... such relief.
i talked to the warrens early last week and starting april 4 i'm going to be a baby nanny! i get to play with olivia part time so natalee can finish the school year. the Lord has been so good. there have been so many opportunities for me to work that have come up last minute and i am so grateful. it's been stressful a little but He has provided!

new google list:
IS......
1) lady gaga a man?
2) lady gaga a hermaphrodite?
3) the world going to end in 2012?
4) santa real?
5) khloe kardashian pregnant?

i think lady gaga sure looks mannish- besides her tiny little body. santa is not real and who cares if khloe kardashian is pregnant? sheesh...

jeff came home from work a couple weeks ago saying he did a google autocomplete search with "why is..." and the first thing that came up is "why is my poop green?" he laughed. i wanted to gag.

my aunt is getting married in november in cabo! my brother is graduating in nashville in may. i want to go to CA this summer for our anniversary... give me some money. :)

love you.

p.s. my bro got us a studio for when i'm there for $100 a day, which is usually the hourly rate for studios. get ready. buy my stuff on itunes when its done. ok? ok.

wedding, wine, and another week

2010-03-08T22:48:00.001-06:00

welp, we married off another one. lindsey & ben's wedding was yesterday. it rained and it was a little chilly, but weddings are always beautiful no matter what the weather is like, am i right? i had fun with denise all weekend, pretty much. talking, drinking... ya' know. :)

i turned in my keys last week. i feel a little sad, but mostly relieved. and i'm only sad because i gave over a year of my life to grow that team and all i got was thrown under the bus and then found out no one really trusted me after all. that is why i am relieved. the Lord has funny ways of sanctifying his children. it was not only sanctifying but it really helped me refocus. as much as i liked working in salons the past 6 or something years, i really would rather be singing and playing and using all the skills, connections, and contacts i have to do what i love! not that i ever really forgot or anything, just made me realize how important it really is to me. it's more important than wasting another year of my life trying to make something a part of my life when it shouldn't be. more important than satisfying the stereotype and choosing an 'acceptable' or 'real' profession.

for example, when i was little i wanted to be jodi benson when i grew up (when i grow up, hehe). jodi benson was (she might still be, i don't know) a voice actor for disney and sang christian children's music. she was ariel. once i realized ariel wasn't actually a real person, i decided that i wanted to sing all those super cool songs for princesses in disney movies. how sweet of a job is that?!

but when you're in public school and you're asked to write about what you want to do when you grow up and get a job, my choice of voice actor (i'm pretty sure i said ariel's voice) or singer was usually countered with something like, "what about being a teacher or a chef?" no wonder i have had crazy mad career identity crises over the past 2 years!

that's my rant. my parent's have always been supportive and loved that i love music so much. i do wish though that my first year at UNT they would've allowed me to work with that producer in nashville. then maybe i wouldn't have had to deal with the past 2 nightmare jobs i've had. BUT God's plan is perfect and whatever he wanted me to learn/deal with/overcome, he wanted me to do it there.

SURPRISE!!!! i have a new google predictive text list for you! this week's list begins with "how is..."
1. how is babby formed? (that is not a typo)
2. how is hiv transmitted? (how sad is it that this is a common google topic?)
3. how is the world going to end?
4. how is the duggar baby doing? (these people need to quit having kids)
5. how is glass made?

what did you want to be when you grew up?

overwhelmed

2010-03-04T22:15:00.000-06:00

i'm sitting here at my table in my empty house, trying to write, and i came up with something (which of course is good and quite a regular thing again(!) ). i started playing trying to figure out what i was going to write lyrically with this pretty, simple melody.

i really wish blogspot would let you upload mp3s to your blog so you could here. i don't even know that you would understand.

but i was thinking about how God, creator of the universe, sees beauty in us. He looks at us and says, 'what a masterpiece' and smiles.

then it made me think of my husband, because i look at jeff and say 'wow, how perfect he is for me'. i look at him and see that God made a masterpiece, a hysterical, musical masterpiece. but not only that, he created him for me.

how overwhelming is it to know that our Creator, the creator of mountains, and oceans, and creatures that fly, and swim, and sunsets, and thunderstorms- he created a masterpiece in each of us! and how saddening is it that we never really see that about ourselves?

in my vows, i commented on the fact that God knew before i was created that i would be for jeff. i get that. i knew that for a long time. i guess i never felt the gravity of it?

you, friends, are a masterpiece created to be in my life and i am so grateful for that!
i love you.

2nd annual valentines with the powers

2010-03-02T23:07:00.000-06:00

in the words of 50 cent:

"this is how we do

we make a move and act a fool

while we up in the club

this is how we do

nobody do it like we do it

so show us some love"

do re me fa so la ti do

2010-02-24T13:29:00.000-06:00

Most of you know I haven't worked in over a week. SUCK FEST. Although I have thorough distaste for my job, rather my job conditions, and I would prefer not to go back there. So please pray that I find a new position asap. In the meantime I have been singing. and singing. and singing.

This past weekend I sang for Spin 10, The Village's version of D-Now for Jr. High & High School students. It was so much fun. I haven't been around that age of kids for quite some time & I truly forgot how high energy they are. Granted, when I was that age, I wasn't that high energy. not even close. Thursday through Saturday night I spent at the Highland Village campus rehearsing and laughing with a bunch of doofus staff guys. It was awesome. Sunday I sang in Denton all four services then proceeded to yesterday when I lead with James Cole & Andy Zapata for Crew Quarterly, which all of you Denton losers missed. It was really good. the Dallas campus is beautiful and I understand now why they're having to figure out where they're going to put an additional service; the sanctuary is not that big.

I wrote a new song yesterday after reading through some Psalms. I wrote a chorus quite some time ago that was BEAUTIFUL. The problem was that I couldn't get past just the chorus. I had a pre-chorus that was okay, but I couldn't get any verses. So I took the general idea, the basic chord progression, and turned it into something better. It's so great, and once I completely finish it, record it, and send it to the worship staff, I'm sure you'll hear it somewhere. Maybe it will even be on The Village worship album.

On a different note, regarding the job junk. Last week I was reading Ecclesiastes 3. A time for this, a time for that. I thought, 'Ok God, I get that this is the time for me to escape my job.' I think we all have read Ecclesiastes 3 or at least heard of it. But how far into the chapter did you make it? I didn't know it past verse 8.

Ecclesiastes 3:9-13
9 What gain has the worker from his toil? 10 I have seen the business that God has given to the children of man to be busy with. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also he has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to end. 12 I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live, 13 also that everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil- this is God's gift to man.

God is faithful. He'll take care of it. And whatever purpose he has for me in this in-between, I trust that he's got my back. He'll take care of the financial stuff, the future stuff, the what-if stuff. I'm ok. Better than that. I've got the creator of the heavens & earth on my side. What do I have to worry about?

on a completely unrelated to anything note- yesterday I went to google something Jeff & I were talking about- I don't remember what it was but it started with 'why are'. The auto-predict on the google search bar in safari is hilarious. rather, the stuff people google is hilarious. I'm going to give you the top 5 predicted google searches that start with 'why are...'

WHY ARE....
1. black people so loud?
2. people posting colors on facebook?
3. yawns contagious?
4. the kardashians famous?
5. michael jackson's kids white?

and for a bonus,
6. why are there school?

yes you're reading it right. why are there school?

happy tuesday!

p.s. Denise, I'll post V-day pictures this afternoon... when I find my camera. LOVE YOU.

"journey's end at lover's meeting"

2010-02-12T21:55:00.001-06:00

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part.

Because this is what love is.

Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we

found that we were one tree and not two."

-St. Augustine

If music be the food of love, then play on. - William Shakespeare

Though our feelings come and go, God's love for us does not. - CS Lewis

A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.- Ingrid Bergman

__________________________________________________________

I just thought I would share some of my favorite quotes on love, since it's the week of Valentine's. I am quite the romantic, despite my natural tendency toward realism (some of you might call it pessimism). Romanticism and realism (cough, cough, pessimism) rarely go hand in hand, but somehow I function just fine. :)

I could watch Pride & Prejudice over and over all day, surround myself with stacks of Keats poetry, Shakespeare's sonnets (although Shakespeare was kind of a downer), and Jane Austen novels, weep all of my tears because Fannie Price just isn't as charming or beautiful as Mary Crawford and just can't seem to win ... and then gag at people around me smooching in public or men who are clearly whipped by their overdressed, under-clothed girlfriends.

I think men sometimes over-think romance and put too much pressure on themselves. Romance means something different to everyone. Putting romance in the "flowers, candy, candlelight" box is just unfair. The best part about romance is creativity. Am I wrong?

ro-mance n.

A love affair.
Ardent emotional attachment between people; love

love, esp romantic love idealized for its purity or beauty
a spirit of or inclination for adventure, excitement or mystery

Jeff and I have been together for almost 6 years. We know A LOT about each other. In fact, he says I'm predictable. Psh....

Despite how well we know each other, there is still an element of mystery and adventure in our relationship. I am so glad that God designed all of us to be so complex to keep life exciting. After 6 years, the butterflies in my stomach aren't there anymore, but that's not romance or love. It's the little things. Knowing that he'll be there when I get home, or that he will always love me despite my tendency to curse when I hurt myself, and that he will ALWAYS, without fail, make me laugh when I absolutely do not want to- that's what makes me excited. He still surprises me with random facts, stories I'd never heard, and with his ability to silently appear out of nowhere (I swear, the man is like a cat). Romance goes much deeper than superficial, temporary things. It's a feeling that is stirred; an emotion triggered.

Ultimately, though, it is selfless. The Bible says a lot about love. But in Ephesians 5, it talks first about submitting to Christ. Without Christ, there is not true love. Have you noticed that the more consistent you are in the Word, the closer you feel to your husband/wife? I have. That's because marriage is meant to be a reflection of the love God has for his children. In submitting to Christ, you are setting yourself aside- allowing Christ to be prominent. It goes on to say that husbands are to love their wives as they love their own bodies. We are selfish people. To put someone else's well-being as high/higher up than our concern for our own is a big sacrifice. We're called to love each other as Christ loves the church. And as we all know, Christ died on a cross, undeservingly, for an undeserving people.

There is such weight, and at the same time, freedom, in that.

I actually didn't intend to write about all this. I was going to tell you to pray for Jeff's mom. Pray for Jeff's mom, and all our family. The Lord is sovereign and faithful, but pray his favor over her body.

I love you. L O V E you. all of you. Happy Valentine's. Go eat some sugary-sweet-bad-for-you treats. Just not these nasty conversation hearts. blegh...

after the busiest week ever...

2010-01-29T21:04:00.001-06:00

this week has been so nuts. sunday i started my day at 5:30 am and sang 4 services at church. that alone can put me behind on my rest for a week. THEN... jessi james & i lead worship on tuesday night for the women's bible study at the village. that was neat. THEN... we lead worship again on thursday night for prestonwood baptist's women's bible study. and worked 40 hours. it was so nice to be the good kind of busy, the good kind of exhausted.  AND jeff & i are playing monday morning with john for a staff thing. yeee!!! i was doing something that i loved. that doesn't happen very often. i'm happy. :) i want to do that more often.

i have been listening to the radio lately, because i got this great case for my ipod and it doesn't fit in my car dock anymore. so, i've noticed a couple things (HERE COMES A LIST!!!!!):
   - lady gaga is annoying as hell.
   - taylor swift isn't that great of a singer, but is one hell of a songwriter for 16.
   - popular music these days is really shitty. all anyone sings about anymore is "da club" and
   things equally as brainless
   - i'm a music elitist.
jeff asked me the other day if it were up to me which of the two would i have permanently removed from popular music: lady gaga or 3 doors down. i chose 3 doors down. i mean, lady gaga is RIDICULOUS. 100% RIDICULOUS. she's doing nothing new, nothing that madonna or gwen stefani hasn't already actually pulled off. 3 doors down is a waste of some record company's time and money. horrible. horrible. besides, i kind of am ok with the song lady gaga does with beyonce. even though the only part i really like is the beyonce part. i want to be her when i grow up. :)

i've also been listening to old sermons lately. matt chandler is such a blessing to our church. he speaks from a screen most of the time, but i love how he teaches like he personally knows each and every one of us, like we're his family. even through a brain tumor, chemo, radiation, he leads our body with consistency, truth, and love. he truly leads and guides our family.

the irwin's are coming over for dinner & a movie tomorrow night. i'm attempting my very first slow-cooker pot roast. i know it's going to be amazing, i just have never done it in a crock-pot before. can't wait. yummmmmmmmmy!

tomorrow is saturday. which means my weekend is almost here! which means SLEEP!!! heelllloooo comfy bed.

i love you.

some of my favorite people

2010-01-18T17:57:00.000-06:00

i was inspired by denise's last post, so here's a photo-list of some of my favorite people. :)

meet my husband.

seeeeeeeesters!! me, denise, and lynnie getting ready for my wedding.

rebecca smith, anna sanders, me, denisie, and lynnie

the pearl girls! the only one we have to marry off now is rebecca!

john warren, rita baloche, and my brother

most definitely 3 of my favorites ever and quite possibly 3 of the funniest ever.

my niece sophia.

ap, gooch, dd, kelley, denise, kendall

leslie.

rs, as, jh and dp's wedding rehearsal dinner

lindsey 'the luxe'

my grandparents davis

to be continued....

jeff & i are going to see avatar. finally.

i have an interview tomorrow! pray, pray, pray!

relief is on the way

2010-01-12T10:10:00.000-06:00

i wrote a new song last night. it was easy. that's a good sign.
i got a promising phone call last night. i'm praying that this is the end of my waiting. i know the Lord is faithful and that his timing is perfect. i just hope that this is the time.
alyssa and i are going to open a bakery. it's going to be awesome. i can't wait.

i don't want to go to work today!!!!

an honest look at what i'm saying, or what's being said

2010-01-07T18:48:00.000-06:00

i search in things temporary. i try and find myself in somebody better than me. but the only thing i get from wanting is empty.

because you are the only way i can know true life. you are the only way i can be truly, endlessly loved.

i don't know what i have been looking for all this time but it's wasted so much of my life; trying to fit in the mold and make myself someone i'm not.

because you are the only way i can know true life. you are the only way i can be truly, endlessly loved.

take me apart and make me new, 'cause the only life i have, is the life i have in you. and i can't go on living in all the shadows.

you are the only way i can know true life. you are the only way i can be truly, endlessly loved. there is no greater, there is no other, there is no greater love.

--endlessly, jennifer (then) davis

I was once told by an excellent source of wisdom in the music industry that in order to be a better songwriter than all the others out there and to be a successful artist, it was important to write less simply by inspiration and more by discipline. It's true. It takes a lot to be inspired for anything. If we only worked when we were inspired to (for those of us who aren't daily inspired to schedule hair appointments, grade papers, update databases, etc.) how could we afford to pay bills?

Don't get me wrong, it's important to be inspired. I think we overlook so many inspiring things. We aren't inspired by the way the trees dance in the breeze, the way the moon hangs in the sky, and of course the giant North Texas squirrels (seriously, there's got to be some sort of genetic anomaly with the squirrels up here!). We are so concerned with other things that we overlook things that God designed to be noticed and to praise Him for.

The heavens are telling of the glory of God; And their expanse is declaring the work of His hands. Day to day pours forth speech, And night to night reveals knowledge. There is no speech, nor are there words; Their voice is not heard. Their voice has gone out through all the earth, And their words to the end of the world. In them He has placed a tent for the sun, Which comes out like a bridegroom leaving his chamber, and, like a strong man, runs its course with joy. --Psalm 19:1-6 ESV

I try a lot to write because I should even if something didn't flip my song-writing switch. I wrote the song above in my attempt to write regardless of being inspired.What ended up happening? I was inspired by what I wrote. How impressive is that? Rather, how impressive is God? He uses my gift and even my lack of inspiration to speak to ME. What the song says is another post but I forget sometimes that my gift first was meant for Him, but that he also meant it for me.

Isn't that how faith is? We don't always find it easy to have faith, it's not easy to trust in the Lord. But we should. If we TRY to have faith, if we struggle through our unbelief and doubt we eventually make it to the other side where we see the reward of our faithfulness. We forget that he uses our pain, loss, whatever FIRST for his glory that we come out of it making the most of HIS name, but also for us that we remember that his faithfulness is never ending. And that in a world penetrated with doubt, suffering, and emptiness He is the only thing we can rely on and trust in.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. --James 1:2-4

And how good does it feel to come out on the other side of a tough situation? SO GOOD!

Just a thought.

That wasn't originally what I was going to write about but it was good. Good for me. A good reminder for myself.

I think it's time for another list. I haven't made a good, fun list in a while. And in lieu of this new year, let me whip up a good 'new year' list for you. Just for you. :)

EXCITING THINGS THAT OCCURRED IN 2009:

1. Jeff and I got engaged.

2. Jeff and I got married.

3. The Irwins, Jacobsons, and Hendersons got married.

4. The Janis' found out they're having a baby!

5. I met and fell in love with the Jarrells.

6. We started singing (a part of) one of my songs at The Village.

6. The last batch of my friends got engaged.

Well, I thought that list was going to be a little bit more consolidated. I had to stop because I could feel it continuing for quite some time. I guess I could have said, "1. More than half of my friends got married". That would consolidated a little bit.

A NEW YEAR FOR NEW THINGS:

this year I would like to...

1. Try a bunch of new recipes. I'll even share the experience with you.

I love to cook (this I just truly learned) and would love to be a phenomenal one. I'm good.

I just want to be better than Rachael Ray. or Giada de Laurentiis.

2. Have a girl's night at least once a month.

I am a-ok with being around boys all the time; one of the advantages of growing up with only boys.

I just miss my girls. I vow to call you guys more. Please call me, too.

3. Read at least 1 classic lit novel that I haven't yet.

I may have to go through Leslie's collection in order to successfully complete this.

Classic Literature is the best and seemingly only good source of good literature these days.

4. Plan more surprise dates for my husband.

He is an EXCELLENT sport in allowing us to do things that appeal more to my tastes and interests.

I should return the favor more often.

5. I am going to push, push, push to do what I love.

The only thing cheating me out of enjoying my life is me and allowing the spirit of fear to inhibit me.

I will continue this list as days pass. I guarantee that there are tons of other things I want to do and try. My eyes are just starting to hurt from staring at a computer screen. :)

happy 2010. i love you. we love you.

the end.

english really is my SECOND language

2009-12-19T17:55:00.004-06:00

i haven't updated this sucker in a long time. mainly because i've been working 50 hour weeks. when you work 50 hour weeks at a job an hour away, you really only have time for sleeping and eating outside of working. but it is time.

i've been thinking about a lot of things lately about work, and life, and all kinds of other thought provoking things. here's kind of an update.

before my current job, i had a life. not only did i have a life. i had calluses on my fingers. good calluses that didn't peel a week later. i had an almost 5 octave range. my guitar did not collect dust and i went through a song-writing book a week. want to know how long i've been writing in my current one? almost 3 years.

i am mortified and ashamed at this fact. mainly because the Lord provided me with a priceless talent and gift that i am not using. also because nothing makes me happier than writing and playing. it is how i connect with Christ, it's how i purge my overactive brain, how i express what my speaking cannot. music is my language. i am more fluent in expression through music than i am with words. my husband can testify to this.

there are lots of musicians. lots of people who play and sing. lots of people who truly appreciate music, regardless of region, root, and genre. not many, though, that can really say that music is their first language. i was humming before i was speaking. i could true sing harmonies at the age of 5. music expressed more to me as an infant than expressive faces and babble.

john mayer, for example. john mayer's first language is music. there are lots of other artists i am convinced that are the same. there's a list that i won't list right now. but these are those i can listen to and just weep. not because of what the song is necessarily saying (although that can be the case), but because someone is speaking my language! someone is communicating beyond a bunch of consonants and vowels, strung together like pearls in hopes that someone will understand. music comes from the soul.

i don't want to be more fluent in english than music. my soul is dusty and dry and it aches. playing my guitar the other night made me weep, not because of my own music or talent, but because God speaks to my soul through my first language. i always feel closer to the heart of God when there is music, when i am singing his praise, when i'm utilizing his gift.

please ask me. ask me if i am playing.

have you finished your christmas shopping? i have not. almost. but not.

maybe i'll throw a new years party. i throw good parties and have lots of good serving pieces that i need to use. i also got some really great hors d'oeuvres recipes and ideas. hmmm....

christmas is in a few days. are you ready? i'm ready. for a break!

a letter to joni mitchell, vanity, and a list

2009-11-19T22:25:00.001-06:00

dear joni mitchell,

although your music and lyrics are incredibly haunting and poignant, i wish you hadn't smoked so much.

love,
jen

p.s. sometimes you make me cry. in the good way.

we are nearing the end of our third week on the fat smash diet. after the first week and a half i saw significant change in my waist after eating just raw, fresh fruit & veggies. then we were allowed to eat small amounts of meat. now i feel like i backtracked. we are eating so much healthier, we're sleeping better, and feel great. i shouldn't be so concerned with my body. but i am. its easy to blame it on the media and the way that they portray "the ideal woman", but really it's an idol. where is the line? wanting to be healthy vs. vanity

i like lists. so i'll start sharing some with you. today's featured list:

10 things i will never be able to do better than my husband

1. playing the bass
2. laughing at myself: part of what makes him so funny is that he laughs really hard at himself
3. being 100% and unashamedly unashamed: he WILL dress up like tobias and be ok with it in public
4. making other people laugh: i'm only a tiny bit funny and usually by accident
5. driving: he's the best driver ever
6. thinking of things out of the blue: like the aforementioned poem, or the Up song. i'll save that for another day. "RANDOM MAN!"
7. holding in laughter: he makes me laugh when i don't want to and he can hold it in for at least 3 seconds

8. scaring people: anyone who really knows jeff knows this to be true firsthand
9. guessing secrets: don't try and keep a secret from him. he'll guess it. immediately.
10. remembering things: his memory is scary. don't do or say anything in front of him that you don't want him to tease you about later or every time he sees you from there-on-out.

1 peter 1:7

2009-11-14T17:04:00.001-06:00

it's been a rough week.

recently i had a tough realization about my life. i'm young still, but despite all the blessings i've received, there is little i can say for my 24 years. yes, i got married, i graduated from college... twice. i wrote some songs. i volunteer at church. i try and make a difference in the lives of the people i work with. yet, i'm not doing what i love, what makes me happy. i have made few decisions about my own life.

we all know the following two things:
1. God has an intense and unmistakable sense of humor.
2. Faith produces endurance.

some circumstances at work have changed and not in a good way. i have been put in a very difficult situation and am stuck, pretty much. my only option is to leave. these circumstances presented themselves immediately after i found this handy little ditty by mr. charles spurgeon. funny. very funny, God.

"1 Peter 1:7
The trial of your faith.

Faith untried may be true faith, but it is sure to be little faith, and it is likely to remain dwarfish so long as it is without trials. Faith never prospers so well as when all things are against her: tempests are her trainers, and lightnings are her illuminators. When a calm reigns on the sea, spread the sails as you will, the ship moves not to its harbour; for on a slumbering ocean the keel sleeps too. Let the winds rush howling forth, and let the waters lift up themselves, then, though the vessel may rock, and her deck may be washed with waves, and her mast may creak under the pressure of the full and swelling sail, it is then that she makes headway towards her desired haven. No flowers wear so lovely a blue as those which grow at the foot of the frozen glacier; no stars gleam so brightly as those which glisten in the polar sky; no water tastes so sweet as that which springs amid the desert sand; and no faith is so precious as that which lives and triumphs in adversity. Tried faith brings experience. You could not have believed your own weakness had you not been compelled to pass through the rivers; and you would never have known God's strength had you not been supported amid the water-floods. Faith increases in solidity, assurance, and intensity, the more it is exercised with tribulation. Faith is precious, and its trial is precious too. Let not this, however, discourage those who are young in faith. You will have trials enough without seeking them: the full portion will be measured out to you in due season. Meanwhile, if you cannot yet claim the result of long experience, thank God for what grace you have; praise Him for that degree of holy confidence whereunto you have attained: walk according to that rule, and you shall yet have more and more of the blessing of God, till your faith shall remove mountains and conquer impossibilities."

i am broken, WE are broken and lacking and imperfect. my imperfections and lacking helps me see God's power and that without my faith in his ability to scoop me out of the raging rivers i would have drowned before even a toe touched the water. i neglect to realize how my lack of faith fails to glorify Him, and the whole point of all of this is to reflect the glory to the Father.

although this situation is a major thorn in my thumb, it should immediately redirect my focus from how hard things might be for a while to how glorifying this is going to be for Him when i rely on Him. touche.

very funny and touche.

on another note, my funny and wonderful husband wrote me a poem. it goes as follows:
Thank you God! Thank you Jesus!
For giving me a wife that's sweeter than peaches!
She's beautiful and fun,
Quite smart, not dumb.
So that you God and THANK YOU JESUS!

lovelovelove

hungry

2009-11-05T17:33:00.000-06:00

Jeff & started the Fat Smash Diet this week. It was put together by Dr. Ian Smith (or something) who was the nutritionist on Celebrity Fit Club. It is a detox diet that is pretty intense and is based on several phases. The first phase, which we are currently in the midst of, is 9 days and we are only allowed to eat fruits, vegetables, 1 cup of brown rice & 2 egg whites per day, and that's it. It's hard. I just really want some cheese and a piece of bread. Peanut butter sounds great too.

I cannot believe that we are already in November. Thanksgiving is in three weeks. I feel like my life is flying by. I've been married for almost four months and I feel like I can't remember much of it. How crappy is that?

I had lots of stuff to say this afternoon and forgot my password to this thing and now I've forgotten it all.

I'm going to try a new recipe for a three-bean soup. I'll let you know how it goes.

everyone else i know...

2009-11-01T18:42:00.000-06:00

"all our friends have a blog & we don't get to see our friends as often as we'd like..."

this is how i rationalize getting a blog. really, i'm a good writer plus jeff & i have lots to say about lots. if you know my husband you know this to be the truth. jeff tells the most elaborate stories you will ever hear. ever.

here is to funny stories, honest confession, and sarcastic quips...