i am running to your arms

Yesterday I spent the day with The Village Church. I lead with Jeff Capps and some other great musicians in Flower Mound and then went to the 7 pm in Denton. (I have to say that I am continually and overwhelmingly captivated through the Lord's love for me through these people. I truly have found my family here.) I love leading others in worship. My heart is stirred for the Lord in the most intense way when I am playing and singing.

As a musician, I find that truly engaging in worship a little difficult when I'm in the congregation. I really struggle with this ear that I have gotten from my father. I pick things apart, I analyze, my brain starts working and my attention is too focused... and on the wrong thing. Although it's gotten a little easier, I still have to shut my brain down, close my eyes, and not pay too much attention to what's going on around me. Even still, I'm quickly distracted by the sounds whirling around me.

Last night was one of those nights. The first couple of songs, I was watching posture, chord progressions on the neck of Julian's guitar, listening to John's guitar lines, instead of praising our marvelous God. Then they started playing "Forever Reign".

The first time I heard the Hillsong song, I was moved to say the least. My heart was beating hard, I leaned my head back, and my eyes filled with tears. Hillsong is amazing anyway with simplistic but deep lyrics and melodies that only add to and don't distract from those truths. Last night I was truly captivated by the song. I could feel the Spirit of the Lord in it. It was such a spectacular feeling I didn't want it to end. I was overwhelmed by Christ's love for me and so grateful that he used those writers to write what my heart so desperately wanted to say but couldn't find the words. It made me grateful that people say that same thing about my songs. I hope the Lord continues to use me for the same thing I was feeling last night.

Forever Reign 
You are good, You are good
When there's nothing good in me
You are love, You are love 
On display for all to see
You are light, You are light 
When the darkness closes in
You are hope, You are hope
You have covered all my sin

You are peace, You are peace
When my fear is crippling
You are true, You are true
Even in my wandering
You are joy, You are joy 
You're the reason that I sing
You are life, You are life, 
In You death has lost it's sting

Oh, I’m running to Your arms, 
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

You are more, You are more
Than my words will ever say
You are Lord, You are Lord
All creation will proclaim
You are here, You are here
In Your presence I'm made whole
You are God, You are God
Of all else I'm letting go

Oh, I’m running to Your arms
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

My heart will sing 
no other Name
Jesus, Jesus


p.s. if you don't have this album, it's great. you should get it. 

long time, no write... here at least

it's been a REALLY long time since i've written. although the only people that keep up with my blog are my friends, here's a pretty comprehensive list of things that have happened since El Jefe and I went to Nashville.

- tracking for the EP finished in June. It all happened really quickly. We did scratch tracks for guitar, vocal, and some bass and Kenny booked studio time and did the rest of it in about 2 weeks. Kendall Goshorn was wonderful enough to take some time out of his busy schedule to spend with us doing final lead and BG vocal tracks. It was a crazy month, dear June, and praise the Lord that part is over.

- I got a new job at Salon LaPage in DENTON! it's around the corner from our place and it's a 9-5 job Mon- Fri. It's a pretty sweet deal and a huge answer to prayer. The Lord is faithful to provide in every circumstance. Meanwhile, Jeff worked his booty off to make sure all our bills were taken care of and I filled in at Davanti and enjoyed taking time to take care of our home, spend much needed time with friends, and write, of course. :)

- Jeff's officially a member of the Village Church. He really enjoyed the class; he said that it was the first time in a long time that he felt a part of a community of believers.

- My car died. We had been having problems with the great Santa Fe and decided we'd get the basic necessities fixed until it truly died and we'd toss it and get a new car. Well that time came a lot faster than we had originally thought. Jeff was leaving the Power's house and POP! something broke and the car would no longer go. Turns out the transmission just gave out and decided it was done. Our options were to get it fixed ($3800) along with all the other things wrong with it (AC, brakes, power steering hose, a random belt) and spend more money fixing the problems than the value of the car, or get a new car. So we found a sweet little Mazda 3 with 15K miles and all the warranties and bought it. We sold the Santa Fe to a salvage yard and they gave us money! a whopping $800 which we put back into our savings since our down payment almost wiped us out.

- We're going to Playa del Carmen with the Powers in a couple weeks. It's a double- birthday/anniversary trip. We're so psyched. It's going to be awesome. Possibly the only trip we'll take sans children since the Powers are nuts. :)


That's a good summary, I think. So as for the future, I'm hoping that this EP does us some good. Although I'm excited about my new job, I really still would rather be playing and writing.

The past few months, there has been a lot of purging. lost a job, lost a car, lost some friends, lost some money. In simplicity you find what's really important. When all the junk is gone, what remains is really all you need.

nashville

my stuff, his stuff

       

beautiful scenery in arkansas

        

memphis

       

well, thank you tennessee!

 

they were talking about poop and diapers (at dinner) and kenny was gagging

we're in love

right after i took this, he took my phone away.

we found a spectacular bookstore after seeing an old tour buddy of his. 

tiny room, thousands and thousands and thousands of books. this was the hallway. 

dinner with the fam 

i make this same face. she DOES love him. 

uncle gene, aunt beth, and daddy... and moms camera

guess who took this one?

while waiting for graduation to start. 

cousin, ashleigh

please continue to pray for her

the graduate... 

it's official!

playing corn hole at the bear cave

celebratory dinner

"I LOVE COOKIE CAKE!"

drinking margaritas on the kitchen floor

black bear aka sexy bear aka kenneth, depending on who you are

gorgeous sunsets on the way home

i love orange juice

I love orange juice. In fact, I'm drinking it right now. I also love grapefruit juice, cranberry juice, apple juice, pomegranate juice, and combinations of those juices. Also, only 100% juice. Juices from concentrate usually have a ton of sugar and are unbearably sweet.

I haven't posted in a while because my computer power cord shorted next to the plug. So I've only been able to use my computer at the Warren's because Natalee has the same computer as me. Not that we have a shortage of available computers in the Holm household. Sheesh... I'll admit it is a little ridiculous.

Also, I haven't really had anything to post about because we're about to go to Nashville and nothing I write now is going to be as good as that photo post. I'm so excited!!! It will be 10 hours of ridiculous road trip followed by 3 full days of fun followed by another 10 hours of ridiculous road trip. I need to make sure my camera battery is charged!

I can't believe that this month is halfway over already. This year has flown by. The older we get the faster time flies. That means that when I have kids, they'll be 18 and out of the house before I know it. Oh wait, no that's wishful thinking. :) just kidding.

I can't wait to go to Nashville! I can't wait to go to Nashville! Woopdeeedooop!

Next time I promise to post something not boring.

a week via iphone

Since the Arts and Jazz Festival was too packed and all the good acts had already played, jeff and I went to Southlake last Saturday, instead. They too were having a music and arts festival. This guitar was made by a sculptor that used slate and river stones to make fountains and wall sconces, etc. This guitar was about 6 ft. tall and after guessing how much it weighed (stone is heavy!) we were informed that it was only 65 lb. Jeff guessed 300. 

These are my four o'clocks... last week. Now they're about 4 inches tall. My morning glories at the time hadn't yet sprouted but now they're precious little sprouts! My great-grandmother Davis' house was surrounded by four o'clocks in the most vibrant and colors. She died several years ago but things like four o'clocks and honeysuckle keep her memory alive. They kind of embody who she was: beautiful, cheery, sweet. 

Jeff came over last week when I was with Olivia. She likes boys... already. Sheesh... He likes babies, but gives them back when they poop or spit up. He's not ready for babies either. :)

Sweet, sweet Liv. 

This is much better than the other face she made that morning while screaming at me. 

 

Alyssa and I spent the day together yesterday. We went shopping, had lunch, got pedicures, and went to the garden department at Home Depot. It was so great to have girl time. She is so magical! I feel like when she walks she leaves a trail of fairy dust behind her. :)

We're going to Nashville in 12 days for Kenny's graduation. I am so excited I can hardly stand it. I love traveling and road trips. Except for doing the laundry AFTER the road trip, of course. This will be Jeff's and my first real married road trip. We drove to San Antonio but 5 hours hardly counts as a real road trip, I think. 10 hours is a real road trip. We're going to be so tired. 

We'll be spending some time in the studio which means I need to schedule a shoot with Ryan Ray and find someone to build me a website. I don't know anything about building websites or anything. I tried to get ideas for a logo of sorts, and I just got overwhelmed. 

I've written a few new songs the past couple days that I'm really excited about. I've also been setting up gigs which all of you will be required to come to. Nobody has heard me play my own music in a long time. So I will see you there. I'll let you know when they will be. 

parenthood

So I've been watching this little booger for about a month now. She's absolutely adorable and quite possibly the easiest baby around (although this morning 'easy' was not exactly a fitting word to describe her). It's been cool to see how different she looks from week to week, how much hair she's gotten, and how much more she'll eat (she went from 4 oz when I started to now taking 6 oz bottles at her afternoon feeding). 

Although she is not my child, I can see how easy it is to make a child the 100% focus of your entire world. She has to be carried everywhere, entertained, fed, changed, bathed... every moment must be considered with her needs in mind. If I want to take a walk or need to go somewhere, I have to time it around her feedings and make sure she is properly burped or she'll projectile vomit all over my car or swallow it (she does this. i don't know why.). 

This being said, if I were ready having children or had children I could so easily see myself getting wrapped up in routine and guidelines and schedule for the little one. I imagine the lengths that some women go through just to get pregnant and the time it takes some of them and wonder how I would respond if it were me. 

How do you not make parenthood or children or the need to care for someone an idol?

We plan on having children. I love children. But I will tell you that I definitely do not want them now. All my friends are doing the whole mushy 'I want a baby!' thing and I really just don't get it. None of us have been married for more than 2 years and although everyone's different, I personally enjoy not having to get up for 3 am and 5 am feedings, changing diapers, and abstaining from about a billion things just to house and feed a little person. I love being able to run over to a friend's house for dinner and not worry about either finding a babysitter or being concerned that my child is going to puke all over my friend's belongings or break something. 

I would suggest to anyone with 'baby fever' to borrow someone's infant for the day and then see how it goes. 

.....

This is my second attempt at publishing this post and I had written this whole additional thing about food and it  was deleted. So I quit. 

"let our faith be not alone"

"Let our faith be not alone, may our hearts be not of stone
Give us souls that never close, to the grace that you bestow
May our eyes be quick to see, you are here
you've come to rescue me"
- T. Johnson, R. Owens, R. Seay, T. Tjornhom

I've had a lot on my mind lately. Thinking a lot about a dear friend dealing with loss, weighing once seemingly weighty decisions (now so irrelevant), figuring out what it means for me to be happy... all-the-while forgetting that my worry, my attempts at planning or solving or organizing really is pointless.

God's grace allows me to be removed from all those things that flood my brain, leaving me restless and sleepless, and exhausted... even hopeless. Faith steps in to restore, revive, reassure. There's hope in my faith in Christ. So why is it so hard for me to live and daily- minute by minute- accept God's grace? He carries my burdens, our burdens... and all I have to do is have faith that he is always there to rescue me, every day, from the weight of my sin and the weight of my humanity, my mortality.

Isaiah 35 talks about how he takes what we have, who we are, how we are and he creates beauty from it. He promises to turn our mourning to singing, to be our strength in our weakness, to be hope for the hopeless. His promises never fail. He WILL restore. He will revive. And in His promises we should find assurance.

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.

Hebrews 11:1

I hope that the Lord is glorified in me. I hope that the recognition of my struggle, almost inability, to truly accept God's grace brings him glory. What a lowly, weak, unimportant vessel I am. Still he chose me. So I will fight the fight, press on toward the end of this race, remembering God's grace meeting me EVERYWHERE, and my faith in who he is. 

My only happiness is in him. My only fulfillment is in him. My only hope is in him.